Creating Reality

I believe we are responsible for creating the reality in which we live   There are others that have a more fatalistic view of the universe which leaves the events of their lives up to  what I will call “fate”, that what ever happens is going to happen and they are not responsible for what happens. I truly believe we are gifted with the ability to create and to recreate what occurs.  That what we think, say and do affects each moment.  It takes faith and courage to be able to listen and to trust in our ability to creatively design our lives, but we often unknowingly create the opposite of what we really want because we are unaware of what we have been creating. 

As a teacher I have the great fortune to have vacations sprinkled throughout the year.  By the time my spring break rolled around last April I was more than ready for some time off.  In fact I was so ready to get away that I began to plan my trip weeks in advance.  My intention was to spend the time at our cabin in Northern California, preparing it for summer, as well as writing, drawing and reading, I could actually see myself, with the dogs spending the time in stillness, reconnecting with myself and the universe.

The reality of my trip was quite different

The day before I left I was asked to do a late job for someone which I assumed would not interfere with my plans.  Evidently the person I was working for was anxious about the outcome of my work and gave me explicit instructions, she was so uptight, that I had to show her all of my work for her to double check. I completed what needed to be done, told her I would be out of contact for the rest of the week and left for my trip early Sunday morning.

All month I had been watching the weather, and it didn’t look good.  There was rain and snow throughout the month of March.  As a result, I knew that the cabin would be snowed in and I would probably have to hike the half mile from the highway down to the cabin.    Unfortunately at Christmas we left our snowshoes in the cabin never anticipating they would be needed this spring.  The hike was dreadful, there were deep drifts of fresh snow where I sank up to my hips or higher, and then struggled to climb out.  Because I didn’t want to make several trips, I had the dogs and carried 2 packs.  Since the front door of the cabin was buried under ten feet of snow I had to enter through the back where it didn’t drift as much.  We never deadbolt the bedroom door to make it easier to enter during the winter months, someone locked it.  The kitchen door also had access; it was dead bolted.  I was locked out.   I had a momentary meltdown feeling angry, frustrated and honestly not knowing what I was going to do.  I knew I wasn’t going to walk back up that hill without snow shoes, so I took the only recourse I could think of.  I managed to find a rock and broke a pane on the French door in the bedroom.  I felt so guilty for breaking that pane and so relieved to be inside.
 
As I contemplated that experience I began to see that in the rush to find peace and stillness, I had not anticipated or prepared for the true possibility of the situation.  The week of anticipated peace and stillness was a week of keeping the wood burning stove going, melting water and focusing on survival. I certainly should not have attempted the trip alone in those conditions.

Tuesday morning Jerry called to tell me that the woman I had done the job for was frantically trying to get a hold of me.  Unfortunately I had neglected to include one document; even after all of her double checking that the job was completed correctly.  She was panicked because I was out of touch.  I certainly wasn’t going to drive home for 7 hours to fix it.  Somehow Jerry and I worked out a way for him to rectify my mistakes and I told her to not pay me for the job because of all the challenges she had encountered with me.

I contemplated a lot on this experience and why it happened.  My conclusion is that she was so concerned I would make a mistake that I did, she created it.   I was in too much of a hurry to get out of town and was not paying attention to details. Despite all the checking and double checking the scene was set for something negative to occur. A part of this scenario was created from fear, and I didn’t listen to the inner voice that told me not to go when the weather was so unpredictable.

I write and talk about the Inner Landscape as a place of creativity and inspiration.  Sometimes I forget that I am the only one responsible for creating my reality.  I can go through many days, choosing to ignore the inner clues and messages I receive, stepping through challenges and fears brought on by my own creation, out of sync with the universe and pulled along by the collective reality of day to day life.   I forget to be aware that each thought, each intention completely molds my reality and when I have this awareness I avoid the little pitfalls that pop into my daily life. I need to be vigilant, to be aware and awake and trust my inner voice when it speaks.